I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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