i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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