Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can I color on your dick again?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
