Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
