Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
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Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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