you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
