he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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