My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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