I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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