I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
birth control should be required to get into college
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
