I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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