someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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