thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
