im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
