planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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