Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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