Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
