At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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