spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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