Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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