a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
420 ftw
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
