I smell stomach acid.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
