he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
