I accidentally had phone sex last night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
