so that wasnt chicken after all
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
