she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
