Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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