I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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