i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
