Me too!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
