I'm eating all of the evidence.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
