I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
