This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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