I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize