when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
