he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
