I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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