If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
