Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
