I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
