You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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