I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
