I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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