my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We have started to decorate penises.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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