In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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