Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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