At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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