There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
