just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
