well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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