dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
