if i died would you start the facebook group?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
