I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
