i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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