so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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