Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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