Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
