Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
