That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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