I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
