We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
