I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
