I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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