I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
