The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
