Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
