so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You smell like stripper and shame
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
