How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
