TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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