Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
