M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My hand turned me down
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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