Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
