Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
