Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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