The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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